Ini blog aku

diff link

2004-12-13T04:05:00.000+08:00

hey dudes... as we move to 2005, so does my blog.
Click here for the new leap.
It's http://feb26.blogspot.com in case the link not working.

slit wrists

2004-10-04T02:36:00.000+08:00

Cool huh.

Azrani i miss u

2004-10-02T22:50:00.000+08:00

To Azrani:

Take care ok my inspiration? It was u who showed me life. It was u who showed me love. I'm sorry for every little pain i inflicted to u. I always loved u and u always know that. Each day was a better one with u in my life. Now that u left me, i pray to Allah that u are blessed with eternal happiness. I am left alone with no one now. I want you to know that somewhere somehow, i will always be right behind u, catching u if u were to fall back, help u up to get back on ur feet. I will never walk ahead of u or have the chance to walk alongside u. You will always be dearly missed by me. I will always live that lie that we are still together. I will always wait for to marry me like u said. If i were to die before my time, i want u to know that i'll always be praying for ur happiness, even when im suffering in the pits of kubur. I know that I'm never good enough for you. I'm cynical of many tings now. My light has ceased. Im in total darkness. U are the light that lights the darkest hours. I can't bear to spend a second without u in mind. Haiz. I wish u, Nur Azrani Binte Azhar, the very best in life. I shall forever be down here, waiting, painfully but patiently. I love you. I miss you. I need you. Bye. (Fir is actually a nice guy. Haiz. I'm the villian that should be eliminated fast. Hurry kill me pls?)

The day u died

2004-10-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

My life ends here. I lost everyting, the oppurtunity wasted. Gi mampos ngan korang. Bye.

New fucker added

2004-09-29T21:59:00.000+08:00

New fucker added to fuck list:
Firdaus "Dunno what's his name" from ITE Bishan

Current fuckers in fuck list:
Herwan "I don't give a fuck about u" From CBTL.
And more which i don't remember their names.

Today was damn depressing. Failed Eng paper 2 by 1 freaking mark. Failed maths paper 2 by 1 freaking mark. Luckily i passed maths overall with a 52/100 mark and i dunno hw i fair for overall english. But it was disappointing. There goes my chance of getting No 1 in class again. I got A2 for physics! haha. Bio i don't know. No one believed me when i questioned that the brain qn was out of syllabus. Instead of attending to my questions, everyone laughed. Idiots. Niways my dnt project was sent to the MOE for personal marking. No markings from the teacher themselves, 8 experts, marking MY garbage. Haha. I hope i get a good grade for my work. Whew. I miss Azrani alot. I'm not prepared to walk this life alone. Come to think of it, i don even wanna prepare to walk it alone. Azrani is my life and noting is gonna change that! Haiz. Miss her bad. Take care Nur. Take care Hadi. FUCK YOU Firdaus! Haha. Read my lips. FUCK YO! Woohoo! Stupid low life snatchers. Chee bye. Bye.

Is this goodbye?

2004-09-27T17:51:00.000+08:00

I miss those good old times when we were the indestructable team. I miss 26/09/2004. That may be the last time i hear from u. Im fucking prelims dude! See myself in hell. And i love my life ok...

Math paper prelim

2004-09-21T13:17:00.000+08:00

It's not that the maths paper 1 exam was hard but i think i made a few careless mistakes here and there. If i'm unlucky, im gonna fail this stupid paper. Fuck it man, and i practiced so hard for it. Well social studies ain't that bad. It's a matter of whether i make it through or not. Ok tomorrow is the lame ass mother tongue. I plan to just waste my time in the room as i can use my O'lvls results to cover up for the prelims results. Man am i fucked. Haha. Damn prelims. I want the government money dawg! Okok. im drenched in rain and i want to go and bathe. Tomorrow is geography. All i have to do now is just remember some points and work my charm tomorrow. I'm so pissed off with my math. The paper was fairly alrite. Dammit. C yaz.

i don share my love.

2004-09-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

Take note of me while i'm still here. Soon enough i'll disappear. Lame old heartaches that's always there. I wanna tell u my love is not to share. If ur loyalty is gone and ur love is diminished, then i'm really sorry that all is finished. I never saw this coming but it came. What stupid guy with a stupid name. I'm only 16, i'm not ur type. I'm not that cool nor am i hype. I see no life if u were to leave. But im not god, ur fate is sealed. I never expected this to come, i never expected this to come. [English prelims is a fucker.]

wet dream

2004-09-18T21:37:00.000+08:00

Today was my 2nd most weirdest wet dreams of my life. Details are kept personal. Guess wat, i'm vindicated. But i want to pretend im not. Yupz. Bye.

Practical end of days.

2004-09-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

Ok now im done with my FINAL school practical examinations. The results showed my bio with a score of 11/15. Not bad for a high mark when i did the whole thing wrongly. Haha. I went to find starch on the big leaf when i had to find it on the small given leaf. Well, i still did ok. I'm happy with that. Physics was a test on Refraction. Fun. But i dunno hw i'll fare as he said that a few flunk the test and that the girls did generally better than boys. Baah the worries only beginning. Papers are to start next Monday. Lol. Well guess wat, i had a haircut! haha. Looks like a chinese hitler with a shaven moustache. It's funny not stupid. I like the mama barber. he give me a free massage after the cut. For only $8! Super worth it. Haha. This will be my last hair cut in 2004 before i go into growing it long and bushy. Whoosh. here i go. Embrace me now. Haiz. Soon i'll be leaving another memory in my life. Im gonna miss my frens and the damn 4 yrs of experience i went through. At least i still have my Azrani. Heh. Love her loads. bye.

Poem - potential dashboard type song

2004-09-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

Here's a poem i created through wat i feel about wat's going on in my current life. If i'm in the mood, i might as well turn this into a song. Well, hope u like it, enjoy. Bye.
_________________

Hear me,
As my voices drown beneath your anger
the wounds lay open as i bleed
waiting for u to come and heal me

So soft,
the empty words u used to whisper
they ring so loud now i remember
what those words meant to me all the time

Naked my heart feels, cold, my body lies in repose
The bitter air comes choking in my lungs
The sun comes rising up, bringing hope
And I know that you're right here next to me

I'm lost, in, your, touch
I, sway, to, your, grace
I synchronize to your every movements
Cherish all the precious moments with u

after syarahan

2004-09-12T13:16:00.000+08:00

Saturday, September 11, 2004

What happened at syarahan:
Israk and mikraj = Nabi's travel to meet Allah
Emphasise on the importance of Praying.
Tips hw to teach ur child such as saying grace, buka puasa, buka ringan smayg dulu, berjemaah, magrib off all media, etc. Really fun but scary. Miss azrani. but i know its just painful thinking about what happened. A personal issue in a dirtbag life. Bye.

Syarahan nite

2004-09-11T19:19:00.000+08:00

I've been trying to force myself to create an entry for the past two days but my laziness seems to be taking over me. Well here's a recount. Let's see. On friday, after prayers, Me, Edwin and Ramli went to go eat at Long John Silver's (Bedok) after which we went to Edwin's house to watch School Of Rock. My god that show is sad but overall, nice. Makes me wanna go listen to the 80's rock. Lol. What i like best is wat happens after that. I tried out Edwin's washburn acoustic guitar and his squire by fender elect guitar. We exchanged our originals and noticed that one of them sounded 98% the same. So we decided to merge the two pieces and form a side project. It sounds real cool. One type of music i never had the chance to make and always desired to do so. It came yesterday. Oh man was it good. Well now we're deciding on the chorus and then we're ready to record. Haha. Well i'm off for this syarahan tingy. At taqwa. I forgot what the topic is about but it has someting to do with Nabi Muhammad going up to the clouds. That's what the khutbah says though. Yeah. Well, gotta go now. Bye.

Post

2004-09-10T10:44:00.000+08:00

Ok, woke up on another lame Friday morning and i missed my alarm. I was supposed to wake up at 6.30am but i was in the holiday mood. That is SO not good. I'm supposed to go to school, collect my dnt folio and do as much as i can and pass up on Monday when the moderator arrives. Come to think of it, why bother. I've done as much as possible and out of the 49 pages, only 1 is missing from the page. Lol. Well, guess life's that way. Today I'm gonna catch up with my ol' buddies. Just 2 days ago, i went out with Edwin one on one. Haha. The good ol' days when u don remember growing up, sure miss em much. Hrmmz, i dunno wat's there to talk about. Azrani is off for Poly open house, (Bio-medical Engineering). My type of course. But sadly she don wish to pursue wat i wish to. Haha. She wants me to be a nurse. But i want to be a scientist. Hrmmz, i have to say its a good combination. Haha. Scientist Husband and Nurse wife. Not bad. Not bad at all. Haha. Well im off to play online monopoly now. Bye.

Repentment

2004-09-08T10:11:00.000+08:00

Last nite, reaching 11.30pm, i reflected. On all the minor to the major sins i have done in my life for the past 16 years. For the first time in my life, i was afraid of going to hell, i was afraid of my sins. I wanted to repent and never do it again, but the fear of repeating is still there. I'm stuck, confused and blurred. I never got sleep up to 4am. When i awoke, 40 minutes ago, i am told i have my religios classes on. Good thing for that cause it makes me at ease. I am turning more pious each day. I don't care. If it makes me different, i choose to be. I am becoming who i am born to be. That's wat makes me special. Anyways, i wrote a letter of apology to Popular Bookstore Tampines Central for causing them trouble in 2001. Till i am forgiven can i rest in peace. I hope they forgive me for my sins that i have caused them. Anyways, Azrani fell asleep early last nite. I called her up continiously hoping for an answer from 12 midnite to 1am (YES! 1 whole hour) but gave up trying after some finger achings. It's alrite, im used to being left alone. Just hope she's ok that's all. I wish that things are different. Going as how i want things to go. But when i think about it, everybody wishes the same thing as me and not all people want the same things going. So i guess wat i want can NEVER happen for apparent reasons. Well i think later i going to Edwin house to collect this buku ugama thingy and maybe singgah Ramli's house to collect my guitar back. Haha. Haiz. This sux. Well i better prepare for my religious classes. Gonna start soon. Bye.

Happy long lost memory

2004-09-06T22:14:00.000+08:00

If only we held on, strong as glue, never giving in to our doubts. Too late. Now wat we had was a memory. Even though we started new, things we shared will always be there haunting us, in the mind, heart and soul. May wat we rebuild again be as strong as we dreamnt of. I dedicate this day to a painful memory i cherish not so long ago. Happy long lost anniversary.
06/09/2003 - 06/06/2004

D&t to 8.30

2004-09-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

Teacher's day 2004 was the most stupid this year. 1st, no half day. 2nd, concert was as worse as crap. 30 mins only. sibat. I gave Mr Boon and Mr Anil a hand made card. Took me the whole nite and then neglect my poa hw. Haha. Well today i had dnt up to 8.30pm. Such a wonderful experience. First time of my life. Heh. Well im tired and i wanna go to bed. I think Azrani pun tgh tido. Haha. Alarhai, besok pun jumpa. And if u noticed wat's going on in September, u see one whole list of exams coming up. So i don tink im gonna play much. More to studies now. C yaz. Nitez. P.s: Mr Anil is a good guy. U just GOT to love him. :p

Promulgate me

2004-08-31T22:10:00.000+08:00

To my faithful and loyal readers:
Do you have someting to say in ur head and u want the whole world to know wat it is? Like a way of thought or just a lesson learnt. How hard is it to reach the world may i ask? VERY! Well, i was chatting with my ol buddy, Edwin, abt the fear of ghosts. We both agreed that ghosts are not a friend we want to have, but we debated about what the motives of a ghost is. To haunt? To help? To just do noting at all? I really regret ever watching the first horror movie of my life. I really wish i didn't ever watched japanese horror movies. If so, my mind will be blocked out by the scary images of the japanese horrors. Haiz. Well, azrani is stressed with school. So am I! haha. Damn the pressure to do well is here. Like a splinter to the brain. Oh man. I just wish i can make those who believe in me proud. At least im done with my dnt project. Though it looks like crap, im just glad that its over. Well, 5 days to the closing of school. Few weeks left to preliminary examinations. Before i know it, I'm done with my 10 years of compulsary education. Soon, i'll be vindicated. Free from the grasps of education. Where i go from there is a choice i have to make wisely. Haiz. So THIS is what life is huh. Take care now. Bye.

photo

2004-08-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

ok there's a technical fault with the cameramen, but hey, we look good don't we? Hehehe. I love Azrani and noting is gonna change the fact. Hehe.

AVP

2004-08-27T21:48:00.000+08:00

4 days before august comes to a close. 17 more days till my 'major' examinations. Few months away to freedom. Well, life's always worth expecting. Well today, i watched 2 movies, Alien Vs Predator and The Last Samurai. It was planned to watched with my ol' school buddies cum movie going gang, Ramli and Edwin. Well generally the show was excellent in terms of CGI and suspense. The suspense was coherent with not much drag. CGI, awesome. Alrite, Jeriel and Hakim rated the show 3/5. I guess im in the decision to give the movie a 4/5 rating. The ending was a clear sign of a sequel. Alrite alrite. Before the movie, the trailer of the upcoming movie "Dodgeball" went on. Be sure to catch that alrite? Ok, The Last Samurai, VCD lent to me by Ramli. Generally a show that speaks of itself. Lots of action, drama, cutting of heads, blood spilling here and there. But at the end of it all, it was dramatic. A sad end to good show. But i enjoyed it though. Alrite, i miss azrani so damn much. She's too bz now and so am i. But i hope that after all is said and done, i can finally have that freedom and time + space to share majority of my life and hopes with her. Heh. Well, bye.

Next update.

2004-08-22T11:53:00.000+08:00

Ok rite now, as i am writing this entry, i'm listening to hoobastank - the reason. In the same playlist, there's Vindicated, Yeah, I don't wanna know and She will be loved by Dashboard Confessionas, Usher, Mario Winnans and Maroon 5 respectively. This playlist makes up the songs that can drift me away. Anyways. Alot has been going on and there's much to update in today's entry. To kick things off, i have a new look. hehe. I'm wearing spectacles now. I know that in the past i did but this time, the optrician said that i have to wear it about 98% of my time. Damn. My left eye got worse by 50 degrees. There's still slight discomforts in wearing the specs but i admit, i look more decent and smarter with it. Maybe it can help me score for the o'levels. Alrite, talking about the o'levels. I have sat for the english o'level oral examinations last wednesday and it was fairly easy. It's topic was about working overseas and how we are able to adapt to it. It was enjoyable to converse as that topic is related to my future plans. I just hope that i score because i really need that point for my english o'level examination which i will sit for in november. OK, prior to sitting for the o'levels, there is prelims. It falls on the 13th of Sept with the practicals. I suck at biology now i dunno y. Usually i score as the top in class but suddenly i got a mere 19/36 for this class test which is from another school's paper. My god do i suck bad. I really want an xbox so bad, with the ninja gaiden game provided. I went to expo yesterday for some shopping with my family. Got myself nothing. I was looking for a wall picture frame but it was unavailable. Well my house is now equipped with a new telephone and rice cooker and etc. It was truly extravagant there. It's like i wanna purchase everyting there on sale. If only i had $1m. Hold on, someone called me up for a survey on world survey. Let me finish. bye.

Colours of loyang

2004-08-14T00:48:00.000+08:00

Well today was finally the day where Colours Of Loyang 3 was held. Honestly, the show was alrite, but frankly, it was lame. Those dumb childish dances and weird raps, caught me a few chuckles. Azrani was sure hot tempered today because i asked my group to tag along on the way to Victoria Concert Hall. Azrani was pissed throughout the concert. Oh man. Well finally, managed to soothe her anger. Miss Kursiah oso another chee bye. Just because Azrani, Suriati and Firdaus (Su and Fir are a couple, me and Azrani is another couple) are graduates, they get to tag along with the teacher. So she said to me "Actually, im not supposed to bring my students to go out with me" So i looked at Suriati, Azrani and Firdaus, all eyes were on me as if they're trying to hint "2's a party, 3's a crowd". So i got pissed and asked Azrani whether she would like to spend the nite with me together. But she was still pissed off so she never replied as i want to hear. So i just told her to have fun and i ran. Through love, she chased me and we had a fight. And it finally came to a peace treaty. That hw stupid i was and hw i was forgiven. Well i love her damn much, and noting is ever gonna change that. Well, reached home at 12.25am. Now, its 12.50am, and i AM dead tired and i wanna go to sleep. Bye.

Release of Results

2004-08-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

Mother tongue results:
Candidate Abdul Hadi Bin Bohari
Overall grade: B3 (Oral: Distinction)

DAMN! And i dreamnt of achieving an A2/A1 for my Mother Tongue subject. 1 of the 5 subjects i wanna ace for in my o'lvls. Well, looks like its back to the drawing board. I gotta start again to polish up the remaining malay language that i remember. This is irritating i tell u, the moment i saw my results, i didn't have the mood to continue my geography mock exams. So i guess its another failure to my test. I wanna ace: MT, D&T, Science, Poa and Math. So i guess the MT burden is not over yet. Fuck.

Well tomorrow is Colours Of Loyang and im prepared to dress to kill and waste my time down at victoria concert hall. At least get rid of my misery upon the sucky results. Well, Azrani is off today to get her clothes for tomorrow. And i guess now im off to eat. So fast has time flew and before i knew it, im fiting a battle for my future. This is it boy, all the best to me. P.s: I'm done with my D&T! Left some final touches and photo taking and one burden off. But i dunno whether acing it would be a simple task. Well, bye.

Our first nikah

2004-08-07T20:10:00.000+08:00

Today, me and Azrani went to Azhar (Ex-loyang) seal-of-marraige ceremony. I don quite know wat the word is in english but in malay it means, majlis nikah. It was my first time face to face with him and for all i know, we can't get along. It was quite shocking too as he is 20 and his wife is only 17. Kewl huh? I plan to get married at 23, abid at 23 and hafidz at 21. Wow. Guys nowadays like to marry early huh. Heh. Wat bothers me is his sad family background. His mom works in the SATS section as a cleaner and she loves that job. What saddens me is that some of the workers who work with her can't get along and they are youngsters who pay no due respect to their elders. I wish her all the best in overcoming the hardships. All the best to Azhar's marraige. May they be blessed with eternal bliss. Being there was really a lesson for me. (Besides the point that i was the ONLY guy to wear a baju kurung) Man was that embarrasing. But i learnt hw important it is to take care of who u love to share a future worth of love and smiles. Hrmmz, im finishing on my dnt as i have a new method hw to make the top section. It's almost done and i love it alot. I hope i score well for my dnt. All the best hadi. A long weekend is ahead of me. Wish to use it well. Bye.

patch up day

2004-08-06T20:59:00.000+08:00

This day will be hence forth be remembered as the day i patched up. I really hope this new and improved hadiazra shall rise to its perfection and bring about many joy for years to come. I really love azrani and i really hate to fight with her but sometimes we humans get a bit out of hand. Baru jer patch up, dah cari gado. Y? Cuz i nvr want to attend her friends wedding. Y again? The fren that is getting married is a guy i loathe becuz he had a major crush on azrani and made my life v.difficult. bahh.. im too lazy to be depressed not when education strains are all over my body. This is tough i tell u. i Really wanna score for my O'lvls and make it big in my life. I want a better future, nice and bright. I hope azrani understands. I hope she undestands the sacrifice im doing just for e sake of a happier future together. I just finished watching my lotr: Return of the king dvd for the countless no of time. My sis, Sabrina, seems to be taking interest in the movie. That's good i say. Hrmmz, im too lazy to chat. Stupid feud again. So long. Bye.

My next typing.

2004-08-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

Well here's a brief summary to kick off the month of August. This month seems to be full of events and holidays and stuff. Well to start it off, the O' levels are drawing near. Next, my dnt submission is drawing near. Then, my exit to freedom is even drawing near. Man i can't help it but anticipate. Did i say Azrani looks sexy in her nurse uniform? Well she does! :p i love her so much and i still do. Ermm life's stable but could do better. I dunno wat more to say. I'm now a fan of topman clothings. Woo~ Bye. Wanna do dnt folio.

Nnek gi operation

2004-07-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

Well, my grandma went to an operation to the eye. For once i behaved nicely and wished her all the best before i went to school. When i went home, she has this patch over one of her eyes that was operated. Man i feel bad. Wish her all the best. Hrmmz, today D&T was really full throttle, no time to waste. Tomorrow is the final deadline for submission and my class and me are still like fish out of water. Well i hope that it passes tru. Tanx. Bye.

back, for a moment

2004-07-29T21:17:00.000+08:00

Back! For a moment. Soon, im gone. This stupid internet cut-off is killing me. What's more the hp cut off, i just can't do without. So how? Opened up a prepaid line and surfed the net in clandestine. Shit man this is hell. Me and azrani are going well together and dnt submission is this Saturday! Fuck (Supposedly is today, But anil postpone.) I've got so many things to do in just 48 hours. Die. Well see u around next time. My net is now cut short. Bye.

Back online, temporary

2004-07-14T19:40:00.000+08:00

Hi dudes, im back, for a moment or so. Well i got some 1 hr of temporary internet usage before i head back to the tedious road of education. How are tings been going? Well first things first, I'm officially done with my Mother Tongue O'lvls. The Orals was intensifying but god dammit i wish for the best. I heard that many people got stuck during the conversation section. (& whereas for me, i muttered Memupuki [actually "memupuk" but i accidentally said it with the 'I' at the back] which means The female reproductive anatomy. God dammit i hope im not pinallised hard on that. Ok i noticed that my spelling is getting worse due to my absence online. Im getting so outdated i just wanna get this done and over with. Between me and Azrani, i think things are getting better on the road to recovery. Both busy with our school and i hope that soon tings will clear for the better. Well recently my class won the debate competition and a throphy, along with a $40 MPH book voucher was given to us as a reward. Well Shalini wasn't there so i and Shawn represented ourselves in claiming the well deserves. Since shalini was not around, we split the prize 50-50. $30 voucher:Throphy ratio. Well i think i choose the $30 voucher. SHawn never received a throphy before in his life and i think he deserves this more than ever. Well, i miss azrani rite now. My hp has been temporarily cut off and so is my internet connection. When december comes, i'll be that tycoon we all know and love. Cept that my love belongs to azrani and it shall forever remain. Many shits and shines has passed me during my absence and they will leave scars and memories in my life ahead. Till i blog again, bye.

Bad news, internet down

2004-07-06T21:03:00.000+08:00

Dear readers,

I come bearing bad news and it might affect the stability of this blog's survival. For the next 3 months or so, this blog shall not be updated regularly. The reason: Internet line has been temporarily been cut off by parents. This "cut-off" practice has also taken over my handphone which results in my handphone line being cut-off too. This is clearly not a good sign as i cannot contact much with my frens and at the same time with my loved ones. So to get on with an update on what had been going on recently, i shall now speak before my usage of 1 hour is up.

Mother tongue listening comprehension, O' levels. The paper was tough, especially about the Kacang soya, barang hiasan and husin petikan. Usually the answer to the question would be spoken out clearly by the radio but this time, we had to do more tinking that catching the words. But overall, the paper was do-able and alright. On that same day, i went out with Azrani. We went to shop for her school apparel for her upcoming "Back-to-school" event. (Already have passed) Bought new boxers, stationaries and we went home. Sadly, i got a scolding from mom and dad, a lecture from dad, and the "cut-off" practice was put to play.

Next, youth day and Azrani's return to school. I thought there was D&T but sadly only Brandon showed up. 1 out of 15 students came and that sparked anger in the teacher's eyes. I knew it by the way Mr Anil treated us just now in D&T class. Poor Omar got sent to meet with the principal for "a cup of tea". I heard Omar is going to drop D&T. Now? After all this time? Hrmm, youth day was bummer. Slept the whole evening from 3-6.30. Played The Sims on the computer (alternative for non-internet usage) and then called azrani up. Managed to do some touching up on my D&T folio but was scolded for doing it wrongly just now. What a bummer. Dammit.

Well, just now was my debate competition against 5a1. From what i can conclude, 4e3 is professional. We came up with the debate speech the day we were to compete. All we had was silly name cards to remind us of our points. The other team had fully printed, ready to go speeches. Sadly, they were totally out of point and out of favouritism. So 4e3 emerged victorious, and i fucked myself up with some "ahhh, ermmm, arhh" during my time of the speech. GOod work shawn and shalini, couldn't have made it without u guys.

Friday will be the day i take my Mother Tongue O'lvls Oral Examinations. I don't tink i have the time to get back online to update as the modem would be under the watchful care of my parents. Darn it. I don't intend to sneakily take it as i just find it a waste of time and unbenificial. So i guess, wish me luck on what is to come this friday. I really hope to score in my Malay and be one step closer to achieving my dreams. P.s: Satuday i gonna watch Spiderman 2. Shawn says its a stupid show with super cool effects. But newspaper ratings give it a 4.5/5. Highest rating ever seen yet. So i'll be off this saturday with Nur Azrani and i hope to have a blast. Sorry for the inconvinience caused. Continue to support this blog for it shall remain till my very last breath. (Sorry for the lousy vocab usage and spelling errors. After the debate, im just so tired to think and write. Furthermore, im down with the flu.) Well, till the next time i blog here, Bye.

July

2004-07-01T19:03:00.000+08:00

It's july already? Well 3 more months to D-Day. I can't hardly wait. I just want to sit for that major examination and determine my fate. I want to do well. I want to make Azrani, My family, relatives, her family, everyone, proud. Well this month gonna be alot of hardwork so not much updates i guess. Azrani's gonna start work come monday. I know she's gonna enjoy herself. Gonna miss her so much. Well, better get on with my D&T, i got till 29 July to hand it all in. :s Bye.

hadi and azrani

2004-06-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

Here is a pic i took with Azrani. It's the mms wallpaper on my handphone. There are more pics but my scanner is temporarily away. If it returns, i'll put up more pics here. Can see onot we both happy? That's how i really want it to me. The way that it is. Bye

Azrani song 2

2004-06-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

I wrote azrani another song. Still thinking of a title though.

Untitled (2)

The air, outside is freezing and
im lost, when everyone is leaving
hold on, that's what they said to me
hold on

your face, that lingers in my mind
ur smile, can make my problems fine
ur touch, it takes me far away
so far

Chorus:
So help me fite this, im weak when im alone
i swear i hate this, doing things on my own
where are u now? i need u more then ever
and when i finally understand
i lost u now i wish that im ur friend

Verse(2):
Tonite, i'll see u in my dreams
Alright, and escape from my nitemares
Move on, i'll move on in my dreams
See u

I smile, and ask u to stay for
Awhile, this cup of tea is getting
Colder, please tell her that im sorry
Tell her

Chorus

(Of course not all of the lyrics are true. Fact is, she is my friend. More than a friend. During the period i wrote this song, i miss her so much. I felt that pain and i released it in this song. I love her so much. I just can't bear one more day without her. I hope u like it. :] )

Only one

2004-06-27T12:13:00.000+08:00

I want to be the only one she loves. I want to be the only one she sees. If only she knew, how much her loves means to me. If only she knew how great this love i have for her is true. Please stop me from crying, i don't really want to. Haiz.

Hadiazra Day 16

2004-06-27T00:27:00.000+08:00

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Happy HadiAzra Day 16. Went out with Azrani. Took neoprint. Helped Azrani carry her home and all. Everyting was looking so well, and then it happened. My days are doomed. Fuck this. Bye.

I'm on the verge of breaking up

2004-06-24T20:17:00.000+08:00

I can't do this. The past is overtaking my future. I don't see a future but dwell in the past. In silence, it eventually kills me. St John trip was ok. But wat happened after that was devastating. So soon i go, kill me.

yo man

2004-06-22T17:35:00.000+08:00

A fool is one who chooses to hurt himself in the process of moving on. Truth is, i've always been playing the part of the fool. :)

Hey there. I'm meeting up with Azrani this coming Saturday. So i decided to be nice and bought her a gift. Not that fancy but it's someting she craves. It's the Maroon5 Cd. I hope she likes it. At the same time, i bought myself "Yellowcard's Ocean Avenue" Cd. Hehe. A superb emo punk rock band i listen to. Didn't know i end up supporting them. I also used the $30 royal sporting house voucher to get myself a new schoolbag and a sports water bottle. THe bag is a mix of blue and purple in colour. I like it as its the combination of me and Azrani's favourite colour. :) Well yellowcard is banging on my hi-fi now. I wanted to find Dashboard Confessionals, The Ataris or Lagwagon just now but they were not on Sale. I went with shahid and he bought himself the new Gun's And Roses band thingy. Velvet someting. Well, im 3/4 done with my DnT O'level project. When its done, i can concentrate on other things. :) I had a conference call with Azrani and her colleague last nite. I'm very happy to hear her voice once more and at the end of the conversation, she said she loves me still, in front of her colleague. I'm touched and beginning to smile once more. :) Well imma gonna write some songs now. HadiAzra lives despite the darkness. Bye.

Poems galore

2004-06-21T19:27:00.000+08:00

Your sins i treat them as ashes
Free to fly when the wind blows
Im ready to forgive u
Even if i have to get a thousand scars
So long u are cured from ur wounds
My bitterness taste sweet

Please come back, my love
I beg of u
Do not give in to ur confusing emotions
Brighten up my world which is now barren & arid
With ur sweet words that is not sincere
Oh my love

Chee bye lar Herwan

2004-06-21T08:22:00.000+08:00

I wish i had some death threatening disease. Or what if i face a mishap such as a death of my family members? Maybe then she'll begin to love me? Pathetic. Didn't know she cared so much about him. First i was there when she hated him so much. Then he confessed he has a "hole in the heart" disease. How overjoyed i was when i heard that. But then Azrani asked me so many questions about the disease but i kept silent. THen she scolded me for being selfish. Didn't know I'm so not important. That im just an informat. Watever. I wonder if she cares if i died tomorrow cuz of an emotional breakdown. Haiz. Where is the love? I hope herwan dies and finally leaves me and Azrani alone. I hope he dies fast. Bye.

Science center day

2004-06-20T19:43:00.000+08:00

Hi Nur Azrani. I know ur not there but i just want to let u know that i miss u. I miss u so much that i'm falling. Please whisper into my ears, the tings i want to hear for so long. I just want to be the only guy u think of and dream to live with. If only u knew.

Today, i went out to science center with family. Dunno hw come i end up there but it was my lil's sisters idea to head down there. Was a whole lotta fun. I got to see a REAL working Tesla Coil demonstration. My god was it scary but it was cool. Honest. I have a pic of it to prove it(but its kinda dark though). I also got to take pictures at a PhotoMosiac booth. We tricked the booth into printing out pictures which are non-mosiac so it looks more clear and nice. (Go find out more on Mosiac photos) Went out to eat at Banquet@Jurong Point for the first time and finally, after the long awaited, i managed to chow down on RAMEN! MmM. It was great. The teriyaki chicken still lingers on my tongue. However, went home and dropped bombs in the toilet. :p Not bad for a day. Fun family day and Azrani still loves me. I hope that she does. Watever lar. Just hope that she won't leave me. Bye. Oh yeah. HAPPY FATHERS DAY!! Haha. Bye.

I tried

2004-06-19T18:35:00.000+08:00

Once more, she was with him. I called her up at 12-1am that night and she did not respond. My fren saw her with another guy just now and he called me up to tell me. His voice sounds kinda disappointed too. Haiz. Well i knew she was going to work so i scurried off to take a taxi to meet her up at work. Cost me $6.50 but it doesn't matter so long i got the chance to see her one more time. I stationed myself at Terminal 1 but i remember she always gets her pass at Terminal 2. I ran the whole long stretch to the next terminal to find her. For once, i never got tired running a long way. Guess for the intention of 'love' i don't care about myself. But to my dismay, i didn't get to see her. I tried so hard to get a glimpse of my sourse of happiness, but i came to no avail. I called her outlet up to tell her that i love her so much and i can't let go. But instead i got a scolding from her. Haiz, so much for trying. U know wat dear blog, i thought that this 'love' life was like in the movies. That for every hard effort u do, u get the well deserves. Like the heroes of their movies do everyting they can to steal the heart of those they love. (E.g: Travel halfway round the world to meet up and confess their love, etc.) I thought i was her hero. I thought i can make her happy. Instead i pissed her off. I wish she knew wat i went through just to see her. I don't think any other guys who claims they like her would do that. I love her so much. I don't see a vision when she's not around. When her work began, i waited 1 whole hour hoping to see her during her break. But the words she said to me haunted me. She said "Y are u ruining my life? First u call my house and now my father knows. Now u call my outlet and now my manager knows. What is it that u want?". So i turned my back, took a last look at the airport, and left. I cried again in the mrt. I can't help it. That my efforts were unconvincing. I wish she would come back. I never done such crazy things for a girl before. Never ran miles till i can't even catch my breathe just to see her. Never felt so lost in 'love' before. I really regret the past. I wish she'd come back to the doors of my heart she begs me to keep open. I miss her so much. But i guess im not cut off the be her man. Im just a boy in her eyes. Im no man. I feel so proud of my attempt. But i feel so depressed that it was unsuccessful. Well, at least i tried. I'm hurt. Fuck that girlfriend-snatcher guy. If only she knew.

A new chapter

2004-06-19T10:29:00.000+08:00

My bags are packed. The path is laid. I see no end. There's no other option. I ran, ran and never look back. With only my treasured memories to keep me strong, i had lost it all. The sky began to turn grey. It started to rain heavily. Drenched in the rain, i feel utterly hopeless. I looked around me, i am far from home. Everywhere i turn, i seem to see a mirage of her, smiling, wanting me to come home. I fall to my knees. Lost and confused. I never expected things to turn out this way. I have to find a solution. I had. But it came to no avail. So i run. Run from my fears. Run from my problems. What good is my happiness when i have no one special to share it with? Then i began to shed a tear. I hear her voice but i can't see or feel her. If only she knew how much she's so special to me, my path would end directly to her heart. I got back up to my feet and ran, as fast as i could, never to be seen again.

Haiz

2004-06-18T20:49:00.000+08:00

- Went out with ol' buddies again. End up going home with Edwin and Asyraf.
- It's 8.50. Saw Azrani online and she asked me to shut up. I don't know y. What a way to be welcomed when i go online.
- My heart is beating fast, i dunno wat i'm feeling. I know that i'm missing her.
- Wonder if she too feels the same way.
- Dear blog, if wishes come true, i wish my birthday wish, my daily prayers, my dreams of making Azrani happy and sharing my life with her comes true. That is all i could ever ask for.
- Congrats Abdul Hadi Bin Bohari, u just lead urself to ur downfall. The angst in u has died. The misery that lies deep within u has come to stay. Goodbye.

Dish dash of dashboard

2004-06-18T04:02:00.000+08:00

Every-Other-Day, June 18, 2004

The hint of these new tears are sharp. I try to choke them back. It's useless. I am useless against them. They are beating me with ease. I'll wait until tomorrow, maybe you'll feel better, then maybe we'll be better then. So what's another day when I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you. This mood of yours is temporary. It seems worth the wait to see your smile again. Out of the corner of your eye won't be the only way you'll look at me then. Parts of these are taken from songs from Dashboard Confessionals. My fave emo artist. It's 4.05am now. I'm lacking sleep. My eyes, they're heavy but i can't rest. I just called Azrani up. It's a sober she has to sleep. That 1 hour of talktime is sumting i depend on each day to move on. I hope she keeps in touch. I wonder if she knows wat i'm feeling rite now. I wonder if in her moment of peace, she still finds me in her dreams where we are brought together again. I feel like crying but my eyes are too sore to shed a single teardrop. Y is this hard to go through? Y is moving on so hard? Im not secured. I can't bear to lose the most treasured friend i ever have. I regret everyting that i did. My immaturity. I thought i really was someting to someone. Figured im just her worse nightmare. Y did i matured a lil' too late? When hope left, i woke up. I can't see one more day without her. I don't care if watever happens to me, so long i see her happy and know that her life is stable, i'll die a happy guy. Azrani, if ur hearing me out, I'm not gonna give up fiting. For the future u showed me. For the dreams of us i dreamnt about. I won't stop fiting making it a reality. But if ur just pushing me away, i see myself fading away not only from u, but also from the face of this earth. No i don't intend in suicide. That's utterly rubbish. I'm not eating, i'm not sleeping, i'm not focused. I found out i shined because of u. SInce the day u said that I'm on my own, the light of my life, the light that shines when all sources of light seems to fade away, has left me. If u choose to leave me, i have no choice but to respect. If u do, don't look back on me. I'll just bring u down. My heart never wants to see u go. Each day i wish u'd come back to me. But fate fell short this time. I still don't understand y it has to come to this. You're still all i see, the reason to move on for just one more day, the reason i breathe. No matter what happens, it won't change and i guess it's gonna remain that way throughout. Hope u feel that way too. I miss u bad. Wish ur here to give me a hug. Wish it never came to this. Wish im never here in the first place. Wish that one day u'll return to remedy this heartache. Haiz. Bye.

??

2004-06-17T20:11:00.000+08:00

Hi. Azrani is at work. If only she knew hw much i miss her so. Hey i was browsing tru my network and i realised i had another blog which was dated last November, 2003. I read it back and recalled each and every moment of it like it happened yesterday. Wow, those were really the good ol' days. Wonder what she's doing rite now. Wonder if i'm on her mind so bad the way she is in my mind. I'm lovesick. I guess. I'm not concentrating or focused on anyting i do nowadays, except soccer and feeling crappy. Yupz. I've never felt 'love' so strong before and at the same time never felt so hurt losing someting so dear to me. The pain is totally unbearable and at the tender age of 16, i sure wish im dead. But i don't want to die, if life has to suck, and things have to go and change, i might as well see things change and be happy for it. Rite now u'll be wondering y am i saying all this. Firstly, I'm not over with Azrani. It's tough true, but im not a quitter. Though the going gets tough and u think wat u want, everyting is still the same in my eyes. Azrani, me and a happy future ahead. That's all i ever dream for. That's all i ever will fight for. HAiz. Bye.

ca

2004-06-16T20:24:00.000+08:00

Haha! I can't believe i sang to azrani on her voice mail inbox. I never did that before cuz im a shy person. Now i think i am mentally disturbed and really AM lost without her. I sang to her part of the poem i created and another mini-song which goes:

"Do u know as i sing ur on my mind
Till u come back i swear i won't be fine
i never tot that it would end this way
before i go i've got some ting to say
I miss uuu"

Haha. I loved it. Hope she does too. Well today stinked as always. I took 1 hr off from D&T class just so i thought i could get a glimpse of Azrani and manage to send her to work. Guess wat, my attempts were to no avail. I called her up and she just talked harsh to me, taking my words as if they're noting. Well i saw her go off with her did in the car away from me to her workplace. And i went home, slow steps, around 10 secs per 2 steps, crying. Pedestrians saw me with a puzzled face. Well, what can u do when u see someting u love go further and further away from u each day. Well today, a 'brother'(Friendhip terms) of mine had his first sexual intercourse at the tender age of 16. The way he told us the story, so scary and he said he was remorseful. But i can see he wants to do it again. Haha. Funny fella. That's y he's my bro. But the story he told. Sure is scary. Brr. Wonder when my turn will come? Marraige? Who wants to marry me. Baah. Fuck this thing called emotion. Bye.

poem (1)

2004-06-15T21:24:00.000+08:00

My self entitled poem (1)

We met, through coincidence
She said, i was a weird person
I was, her very best friend
Never to part from start to end

One look, and it says it all
One word, and i get it all wrong
One step, i take at a time
One wrong move and im back in the line

(1)
does she know that i need her so?
does she know that i can't let go
all this while i had the chance
to take her for another dance, she cried

I tried, with all that i can
she smiled, when i held her hand
one kiss, and the pain is gone
tough luck, now im on my own

now she, exists in my dreams
honest, it felt so real
i wish, to see her once more
since that day she closed the door, on me

Repeat (1)

she cried her heart out
she said im worthless
my explainations
her excuses

Im innocent
she won't trust me
all my love for her
goes down the drain

(This is a song i composed out of sheer sadness. Reflects my life really. Wow not bad of a composer am i. Haha. There u go. The solo guitarist shall return for more songs ahead.)

Circuit Dnt Day

2004-06-15T19:15:00.000+08:00

Today, is the day i begin to move on. It wasn't my fault. It never was. I wish im dead. I want to have one last dance with her before i head to the road of emptyness. Anyone of u watched "Win A Date with Ted Hamilton"? Remember hw the 70's show guy ran off when he never won the heart of the girl of his life? I'm gonna run away too. Im hurt beyond recognition. The only remedy to this heartache has left forever, never to come home again. Well, just now i bought my dnt circuit for the o'lvl artefact. Went to sim lim tower with akmal. With the skateboard i brought, sure felt like an idiot. Sadly, i broke down in the mrt. I couldn't contain the feeling of hw much i miss her. The trip from school to Pasir Ris Mrt brought back many memories with me and Azrani. Everywhere i turned, i saw mirages of Azrani smiling at me, waving at me, blowing kisses at my direction. Why did she leave me at a period where i need her so? I didn't lie, cheat, deceit or strike fear in her heart. Never did i went out with another girl or betrayed her by having an affair. What is it about me that leads me to this torturing process. Imma gonna run away, not looking back, not caring about what is to come in the distant future. Run where there is no end. Run and never return.

Happy birthday nadiah

2004-06-15T19:08:00.000+08:00

Happy 12th birthday Nadiah Binte Bohari. Ur now in the pre-teen stage and i urge u to act like one. Learn to conquer ur stupid childhood fears and learn to close the door. It's irradical and idiotic of u to bathe with the doors open. When will u grow up? Ur 12 now, things will begin to change in ur life and u gotta perservere to adapt to these drastic change. This year is ur PSLE, make ur family proud and achieve better grades than my PSLE, achieve ur dream school and don't end up like me. I've noting much to say for u because you have already reached the point of time where u have to start doing things on ur own. Whatever happens, stay away from minah-ism. Stay close and true to ur religion the way papa brought u up. Study lar. Play computer only. Niways, happy 12th bdae kid. Smoga panjang umur & murah rezeki.

New look

2004-06-14T16:59:00.000+08:00

Ok what u see is the new look. I Did that on my dnt O'level artefact. It says "I love azrani, Now, tomorrow, yesterday, 4eva!" I really thought about her throughout the whole session of D&T and also throughout my day. The way she treating me is really sad. Bringing me down just cuz i befriend girls. Close? Bahh, wat does she know. I never have close frens of the opposite sex such as her. What does she know about me. Keep on tinking im a playboy. Dammit. I NEVER once cheated on her, went out with another girl, or shared any personal life secrets with other girls. She's all i ever dreamnt and have. She just don't like me the way i am neither does she want to accept me. I know i can't deny. I can't even cry when she stabs me at my wounded heart. Haiz. NVm lar. I'll find a way to move on with her in my life. I'll never give up on her even if it means risking my all.

The struggle

2004-06-13T10:45:00.000+08:00

It's kinda sad how when no one believes u. Have u ever had that feeling where u stand up for ur right but nobody believes u but urself? The only way to prove it now it tru actions. I Love her, i AM going to be by her side no matter wat. I'm gonna help her in the road of recovery. I want to be the guy she marries. But y must she doubt me? I know i was a monster back then 9 months ago. Well after the things i put her through, i understand y she hates me so much. But i'm happy being her best buddy. I'll do watever i can, go through those words of insults she gives me, go through any pain as much as i can, so long she is happy and can give me a smile that lasts forever. I can't move on. Dear Journal, I'm lost and confused. Deep inside my heart i wish i was the only guy she comes to love. Deep inside my heart i wish things were back as b4 except with the replacement of the new me. Azrani, down the road, we're gonna meet loads of challenges, one that u cannot handle on ur own. I want u to know that I am here for u for a purpose. I'm not gonna let u down no matter wat. If it means getting kicked out of the house, let it be. I'm not worthy to anyone anymore. Let the ranger ride. Just wish u can really see through my heart. I kw ur scarred far beyond repair. I see ur pain, i sympatise and wish to be there for u. Please, look into mine? I'm so lost. haiz.

The new chapter begins

2004-06-11T22:14:00.000+08:00

And so, a new chapter begins. With the main characters all grown up and maturing. Me and Azrani, gave up on relationship. True. We're just not ourselves during relationships. We just end up hurting each other trying to outwit each other with great love. Honestly, I'm already in love with her. Y give more when love is uncountable? We're back to being Friends With Benefit(FWB) relationship. Trust, Loyal, Understanding, and Togetherness has ALWAYS been in the FWB relationship all along. She's still the woman I am going to marry and she IS my eternal soulmate, FWB style! I remember back a year ago. So carefree, ourselves, in love and doing everyting we want to together. Still happy despite the fact we're not in a relationship, but our hearts are together as one. Well, our steady relationship ended officially 9 mths. (06/09 - 06/06(my bdae)) I never regret having a relationship because i learn to grow and learn from my mistakes, this time i'm confirmed im new and improve. I just can't live without her. Honestly, i have become her. She's all i got and i will do everyting i can to make her happy. I had the best date of my life today. I took snapshots at her hp and now MY face is in her hp's wallpaper. Hahaha!!! Yay! She say i look more better in vintage clothing. Oritez so TOPSHOP/TOPMAN, Here i come! Hehe. Honestly, i feel so happy. Dunno, our dates seem to improve each time. I don't mind her working or stuff. It's her life anyways. I know that I'm respected and love. That way i have a better reason to move on and succeed in life. Well, hope this period of truce lasts as long as it can go. I really want to make her happy and smile a million years. I don't care at wat cost but she's become all i have. I hope that somewhere in her, she feels the same way too. I know that she does cuz i've known her for so long now. Thank God. Let's make this new chapter a superb one as we never encountered in our lives together. I'm so glad to have met u in my life. Well, it's 7 years from 2004 im going to marry her and live together. Woo~ Azrani! I love u cookie!! Buddy, pal, biskut! Hehe.

Happy bdae Nina

2004-06-10T18:21:00.000+08:00

Happy 9th birthday Nur Sabrina Binte Bohari. Grow up to be a good person and respect ur family the way they deserves. Perservere the challenges u face and good things will always come ur way. Study hard and make Mama and Papa proud. I'll do my best to be a good brother and give u stuffs that u need to ease ur worries and sorrows. Never give up even though hw hard the challenges is. Don't use me as ur example of a mentor. I have enough sins to bring me deep down in hell. U always smile cuz it's the spark of our family's happiness. Take care of urself and grow with wisdom and with experience, succeed in ur life. Always remember, me, mama, papa, nadiah and everyone in the family loves u. Stay the way that u already are. May ur future be bright and let no heartaches haunt u which in turns bring u down. All the best Sis.

Time to move on

2004-06-09T15:33:00.000+08:00

"Dear Azrani,
You cannot always be torn into two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part of the story will go on. Something struck me and i want to mature and move on. I don't want to suffer in silence. It's not a break up. But i want to be alone, just like wat u want from me. Forever shall i miss u and cherish the memories in my heart. HadiAzra lives. Give me time to concentrate on my life and my studies and hopefully u'll be proud of me someday."

-If only she knew. This is just a flow of my thought. I miss her so much. It's taking over my life. I wish i was like Edward Bloom from the movie Big Fish, how he managed to marry a girl he said it was destined despite the challenges faced. I know Azrani inside out. But i never knew her pain i put her through. Guys, NEVER be like me. Treat ur gf a lil' nicer with more respect as they are going to be there for u throughout ur lifetime if u wish them too. I regret really. I awoke this morning and found out I'm fiting wind. There's really no chance for me left. All is just a body without a soul. 2004 really sucks.

,

2004-06-07T20:24:00.000+08:00

Soon, not long in the future, i'll plunge into darkness and pledge alliegience to misery. Just like the omen that was. Segregation? Let's see how life turns out. Every chapter is another story. Superb how life is huh. I won't be updating this blog for sometime. Depends on my mood. Tomorrow i'll be watching Shrek 2 with frens who really could make me smile. Oritez now.

Ur bdae sucked

2004-06-06T23:01:00.000+08:00

Here's a brief overview of how my birthday went. For a fact, it sucked. The good thing is, i managed to celebrate it with my family and my loved one. Sad ting is, the celebration with my loved one sucked to the core. Y? Easy. ME! It's always me who ruins the show. She was having a blast, i know cuz she told me that. Bought her a crystal embedded heart necklace. I liked it myself. Haiz. But the main problem is, my clumsiness made me lose out. I dropped her purchases of $29+ of girl boxers. For that she just changed her mood and pushed me away from herself. It's a painful process and i had to face it on my bdae. I really feel like giving up on everyting. Noting is ever going rite. This tuesday, I'm gonna repay her back. I know hw much those lost items mean to her. My grandma sympathised my dillema and gave me $30 to repay. I love u grandmama. The outing with my family was fun. Ate at seoul garden. As always, my stomach ached for i think i ate uncooked or overcooked food. Overall rating for my day: 4/10 Sucked because of a sucker. And truth is, i AM that sucker. Bye. 37 more minutes before i wrap up the worse bdae of my life.

Happy birthday u dick

2004-06-06T10:55:00.000+08:00

Happy 16th Birthday Abdul Hadi Bin Bohari. You're still immatured & a jerk and being 16 does not mean ur cool. Make Azrani proud of u and make sure u prove to her that ur love for her has matured and the dedication is one step higher. Ur still a mediocre and ur still never gonna succeed. Ur still gonna be a loser despite the fact ur one year older. Azrani is your life so make sure u take care of her bloody well. There is no room for failure and ur childishness has to be eliminated at whatever cost. Respect and love ur family the way they loved u and never once turn ur back on them. Learn to live life to its fullest and never give up on anyting u belief. Be wiser, smarter and more alert to everyone and everyting u do or say. Remember the names of those who cared for u and use it as a lesson well learnt. Stay strong Hadi because i know that u are going tru a hard time. Happy 16th Birthday to u. May u be blessed with eternal happiness and a good life ahead of u. Hadiazra 4eva. :)

The Last Day of being 15

2004-06-05T19:06:00.000+08:00

So it comes, 15 years and 364 days have passed and soon, im 1 whole year older. Here comes the stupid birthday bash which falls on monday. Last year i was swung like a swing, thrown onto a cement wall at a multi-story carpark and got bashed without prior notice. This year, I'm gonna retaliate. Well, this year, i intend to spend my birthday with my girlfriend, Nur Azrani. My parents kinda pissed off for my actions as they feel i dowana spend my time with them. RUbbish! Many frens say they're not understanding and also not giving me space to breathe. Exactly. I finally found courage to tell them i love them and give hugs before i go to school. And a simple date like this they forbid. Well, i'm not gonna live under a harsh grasp of my parents. THey gotta understand, someway, somehow. They threaten to cut my allowance if i don't celebrate with my family. Truth is, my allowance is a mere $10. Cutting it would make no difference in my life. Well, all i know is that i wish to have a blast this sunday after all that i've planned and been tru. Misery is hopefully dead and gone by now and i hope that life will change once I turn 16. :) *Today went to Expo cause grandmama wanted my mom to have a family outing. Kinda fun. I tried to look for a black formal top that i intend to wear for Colours Of Loyang 2004 that suits along with Azrani. Sadly, there was none to be found so i guess i have to search harder in the future. So, I'll update u when my life of 15 years and 364 days have finally passed me by.*

there's still hope

2004-06-04T18:59:00.000+08:00

Oh my god! She smiled at me and held my hand. I feel reassured that hope still lingers somewhere in our hearts. I dowana give up being the best boyfriend i can ever be! Heh. Though it was a little brush up, i didn't had the heart to send her to her work. But she smiled when we met! I'm so happy. 2 days left to my birthday. Hope i don fuck it up. Btw, i told my parents i loved them. Haha. Got the same reply and i feel so embarrased. We are living in the same house and i tell it to them via sms. Ahaha. ORite. I'm officially a crazy person. Oh Azrani, when will u return? Till that day comes, i'll be the happiest man there is on earth and its gonna be the most happiest moments of my life. :)

03/06

2004-06-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

Anyone, i beg u, tell me how can i gain back a girl's trust that is lost beyond repair. I need it more than ever. Well today, i manage to eat a slice of guava. Haha. Lame sia.

June post

2004-06-01T13:43:00.000+08:00

test for archive

End of may, end of my life

2004-05-31T18:58:00.000+08:00

Life's a bitch and so am i, the world owes me so fuck u. Malay O'level is just normal. Dunno hw it'll end up. A distinction is far from reach. Fuck u Herwan. Fuck u muthafucker. Oh i forgot u have no mom. Chao chee bye. Azrani. make ur choice well or life ain't gonna be the same. Trust me. TRUST ME. I'll kill him if i have to. And don't call me crazy cause u made me this way. ARGH! HERWAN SEGALA KAU DILAKNAT TUHAN ATAS SEGALA DOSAMU! Chee bye gi mampos kau dengan mak kau dalam kubur yang gelap. Benci!

FUCK HERWAN

2004-05-29T08:56:00.000+08:00

There comes a time where even the happiest man on earth meets his downfall. Even with riches, he still wallows in his self pity. Even with success, he cries in silence. When there's just no one else to turn to and when the only person u have turns her back from u. When all of a sudden, u feel like giving up. That time, has arrived for me. Well, its just a stupid relationship thing but I don't want to promulgate it. If she doesn't care anymore, then I really have to fight back for her love. But how? I never was a quitter but now i feel like i was stepped on till I'm 7 feet underground. For my mid year examination results, its a relief that i managed to top the class once more. But hapiness never came when she wasn't there to celebrate the success with me. The 2nd most important person (1st is my family) in my life feels like she's drifting away. My grandma said that she never liked me cause I'm just too young. That i am not worth her love. All this while, am i just living a lie? What goes on from here? I dunno. Let none be loss even if i meet my downfall. Life moves on. But now, i pray. Pray that everyting returns back to normal. That all that i am going through rite now is just a nitemare. Well, I'm skipping tutorials today to go watch a movie (Which was supposed to go with her) on my own. My miserable self. Haiz. Maybe grandma was rite.

LYSB sux

2004-05-27T18:49:00.000+08:00

Alright, here we go. Right now, i have to admit i'm feeling angry so don't mind if behave a lil bit truculent. Here's the story. A year ago, i re-joined the school band as i was offered the instrument of my choice. I put in my sweat and blood into making my talent shine. Gratefully, i managed to perform at the school's SYF, Colours of Loyang and other exchange programmes or performances. In short, i was one with the band. But there was this incident, a stir in the band which i loathe alot. Suddenly this year, LYSB (Loyang Symphonic Band) has shown their true colours. Those jerks have cut me off the list. Not even 1 point is given to me for my hardwork that i put in for last year. This year is my O's. I have to study and don't have time for even anyting. Not even my girlfriend. And now, im stuck with this? I thank my life for Asri for standing up for me throughout this whole time. Fuck LYSB. Amanda never attends band and is awarded the full credit? Chee bye. I remember she not being there and the conductor being furious at it. Now she getting the well deserved bonus thingy shit? I sense racism. Damn rite RACISM! Since the end of last year i sensed it. Clear sign from the Teacher In Charge. LYSB has made me become more anti of the chinese race. Not all, but as a whole. Sim Mei Jun, Fuck ur family. Ham Kah CHan! Amik tu kau. Mdm Rosina, Miss Yeo, I'm never gonnna forgive u for ur deeds. How could u? Well kids, looks like we learnt a valuable lesson from this scenario. School is never a happy place. Some of the teachers are jerks and only want fame and fortune. Fuck u LYSB. Fuck u damn much. (Oh yeah, went training for badminton just now and was a whole lotta damn fun. Hakim, me, akmal, hafidz and haizer. Lol!) LYSB still sux. Joining it was the biggest regret ever.

The day after yesterday

2004-05-25T20:17:00.000+08:00

Orite so here's a brief summary of today. Noting much. Stupid day at school and off i head for home. Got the results now. I got 2 A2(Science, Poa), 1 B3(Malay), 3 C5 (D&t, Humanities, English), 1 F9 (Math! Lol). If there's a reward for being top in class, then i guess i'll grab it before anyone knows it. Lol. But seriously, the results were disappointing. How could i have failed math? Simple, lack of studies. :s So i guess now i'll be more closer to my studies and less of my laziness. Dammit. I really hope to make it through this O'levels. I was daydreaming just now and i realised that im THIS close to being free and out of the wretched Secondary School Life. I wanna see the path ahead of me and i wanna be open to choices. I wanna succeed as well as piety. Hope that it works. Alrite im off to do my homework now. Till i blog again.

Azrani and Parent's Truce

2004-05-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, 24/5/2004

Theres more to talk about yesterday than there is today. Can't find the time to update the blog as things where moving on so fast i didn't even touch the computer. Well, yesterday, i had a blast. Finally, my parents seems to sign a truce with Azrani. They late me go out with her in peace without any disturbance from the telephone. Managed to get my own pencil box and membership card at popular bookstore. Really feel proud of myself for noting. But really, i DO feel proud. Before i bought the stationary, i accompanied Azrani to the handphone shop to exchange her faulted earpiece for a new one. I remember the anger she had when she found out it was a default piece. Lol. Well it was fun really. Meet old friends Sabe and Izzad. After sending her home, i felt lazy to take the bus and my dad agreed to fetch me home. I love my parents now that they begin to become more impartial towards my life. Kinda funny how the syarahan(look up previous entry), had changed my dad's life. He now starts to stick to his words and stayed up all night to finish up my sister's project he said he would finish. Never saw him do that before. Well im proud of my dad, my family, everyting. Hope that the good thing remains this way. Well, fucked up the night. Stayed up to watch jurassic park till midnite and had a drag waking up the next day. Lol

Syarahan day

2004-05-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

I just got home from religous Mass (Islamic) at the mosque. There was a forum which emphasised how high moral of a person can bring about eternal hapiness. After the whole 3 1/2 hours, it has one way or another changed my life. It opened my eyes to what life is worth living for. I've now begun to see the path i have to take in being a person worthy to the society. The next step now is to walk it. The uztaz also talked about retribution. E.g: In ur pre-adult years (adolesence), when u scream and shout or scold vulgarities at ur parents, chances of u getting the same treatment is very high. Like they say, retribution. So i guess i better repent before my kids do the same to me. Just wanna build a family where i see my kids grow up bearing my grandchildren and being grateful and happy with their life. Till then shall i die happy. Well, Azrani got a new camera fone and today, which was supposed to be our day, she spends with her frens. I don mind that but y the silence? Is she having too much fun to even drop me a message with just a simple 'hi'? Yeah she did msg me as usual before she went out with her frens. Even got a call from her. But then not even a 'hello' when she goes out with her friends. Maybe its retribution. Maybe its my turn to go through the suffering that she went under my treatment. Well, life's not always on the bright side i guess. Better luck next time Hadi ol' chap. Chiaoz.

...

2004-05-21T19:06:00.000+08:00

"Am i accepted in my own society? Just because i look chinese does not mean I am one rite? People still accept me for who i am do they? And Azrani loves me this way rite? Damn rite!"

Well i needed some boost of morale before i begin do i? Was looking in the mirror wearing a songkok. It was after my prayers u see. I looked damn chinese and those times where people made fun of me just cause I look chinese came flashing through my mind. No, its not i can't take the criticisms but i kept wondering why. Hrmmz, good thing that at least I'm grateful that I'm living in this world being put to life to test my endurance in life's challenges. So lets see what happened today. Badminton at p.e was fun. Improved a lil' but still playing like a dick. :p Made Mr Boon (biology) pissed off cause the whole class' bio results held back just cause of some imbeciles and jackasses who don't know hw to uphold their pride and responsibility. Noting much happened today. Failed my math. 41/100. My mom's reaction was fine. She just want me to work harder and work harder i shall. I dunno, one moment i fear O' levels, one moment i can't wait to take it. Dumb year. Just wanna get it over with. Preparing myself well for the upcoming malay O'lvls and wish me luck i'll make it through. (P.s: Sex education in class was irradical but fun as i paired up with han xian. LOL! That guy blurt out full of nonsense and for the first time i saw Mrs Sing having a good laugh.) That's all for today. CHiAoz!

?

2004-05-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

Well well, so much for high hopes on poa. After going through the paper with the class, i don't expect a good grade for the subject. Heck i don't even tink i'll pass it. This, my frens, are the results of lack of studies and concentration. The high hope and luck and complacency. Do NOT, i repeat, DO NOT, do wat i do. Well, some of my studies paid off. Such as my physics. Wonder how i got a B3 for the written theory paper and got an A2 for the overall score. Guess practical and MCQ sure pulled me up huh? Well, i managed to score a B4 for Malay Paper 2. My language is slightly improving. A few more weeks left to the real thing. Wonder if i'll make it. I wanna get a good O'level grade so that i have a good bend in life. One to support Azrani for a better future and one to make my parents proud for wat i am. I fucked my Mid Year. There's no time to frolic about and let the one thing that can change my life slip away. I must do well for this O'level. I Must and I will! *So much for that war cry. Im still struggling i tell u* Well, not much to be updated here. Mother tongue intensive training will go on for the next 2 weeks. If i can secure an A2, i don't have to worry about mother tongue anymore. :) So next, DNT. Hehe. Alrite, life's gonna get pretty rough and hectic so i guess I'll leave now to do a lil' touching up on my DnT folio. Chiaoz.

Posted (4)

2004-05-18T17:20:00.001+08:00

The exams are finally over, but a celebration is not appropriate yet as more papers are coming my way. However, we did enjoy this day by going out as a group. Me, Akmal, Apiz, Abid, Asri and Haizer went out for a joyride down town. My only intention was to head down to centerpoint to take a look at some crystals that i intend to get for Azrani as a gift. Well, ended up having a long walk from Somerset to Newton. Lol. No means of transportation, Just a whole lotta walking. Only stopped to pray and eat at good ol' lucky plaza where the prices go down to as low as $2. Heh. Im not a good writer. My sentence structure seems to be slacking. Just hope that u understand what i write. Days like these are meant to be cherished. May is going to end. Soon this entry will go into the archives and June arrives. From there, i only have 5 more months of Secondary School life. Gotta make the best of it. Never know hw my future is gonna be after sitting for the O' Levels. Never expected i'll grow up this fast. Destiny awaits me. Well, everyone had a good day down town, I got what i wanted and the exams are now over. In 2 weeks time, i have sit for the damn Mother Tongue O' Levels Examinations. Language, dread em'. Well, *ahh* i wanna sit back on my recliner, play the computer and let the day pass me by as always.

Post (3)

2004-05-17T17:22:00.000+08:00

Well well, the examinations was a surprise. For the first time in my schooling years, what i have studied actually came out. I studied damn hard about sexual reproduction in plants and a question came out on it. Just hope that my answers are right. Well, i managed to meet up with Azrani again after a long time of solitude. But that 30 mins of meeting up seems like only 5 minutes. I sent her to work u see and all the precious time just drifted away like the sands of the hourglass. Well, fate has a cruel way of showing reality. The challenge is to live with it. Its exactly 2 more weeks to the day i have to sit for another paper. This time, its on a more major scale. GCE O'Levels Mother Tongue Examinations 2004.I aim to get a minimum grade of B3 for it. Hopefully my dreams will be achieved hence minimizing the burden that i have to carry on my back. Nothing much today. Kinda boring when u go home so early with noting to do. Sure wish i can buy more time to spend with my loved ones. In this case with Azrani. ;p So guess i'll be logging off now. Looking forward to watching some movies such as The Day After Tomorrow, Troy and Shrek 2. Its been awhile since i last watched a cool movie. Well, chiaoz.

Entry (1)

2004-05-15T17:36:00.000+08:00

Well, here I am, back again. Blogging. The last time I last blogged was on November 22, 2003. Back then was the good ol' days of fun and success. Well i guess now its really down to work and a whole lot of suffering to go through. At this point of time, Mid Year Examinations is going to pass and it ain't as well as the previous ones i had. Someting's never change though. Azrani's still love of my life. I'm still myself with little signs of growing up. Science is still my one source of fascination and life has never been this good. Daily accounts? Not much here. I prefer vomitting out my thoughts and ideas right here, at the comfort of this blog. Thank you Nadiah, my sister, for taking a minute of your time to make me this layout that i had in mind. Well, bio is fun. No doubt about it. I dunno. What's there to rite about? My mind is dry. Ideas and thoughts? Blocked out by studies, formats and formulas. Life's a bliss and always will be despite all the tough times to go through. (U just CANNOT deny. :p) So, i guess i'll be leaving now. Off to study some biology. ;p

Hello

2004-05-15T15:09:00.000+08:00

test?